Seven expert tips on how to heal after divorce
- Be in tune with your feelings
Negative emotions like anger and resentment begin to fester and grow when you overlook or downplay your true feelings. It is best to stay in tune with yourself, your subconscious. That way, you reduce the risk of depression, stress, and anxiety blossoming and impacting your wellbeing.
Recognize how you feel, evaluate things as objectively as possible. You might discover that some of your feelings might be unfounded with some utterly natural and justified. But realizing this requires some honest soul searching.
Give yourself time to come to terms with the situation and accept that the relationship has ended. It is healthy, and in doing so, you will not struggle with moving on with life. It allows you to shift your mindset, to look forward to a new phase of your life.
2. Change is never as easy as thought
Divorce means change, and this can bring about some upheaval. It might require you to move out of the marital home. It might also face some financial pressure if you have children to think about or handle things when you are now single. You will have a host of issues to consider as you plan for the future.
Since circumstances can be overwhelming, it is best to pump the brakes. Take things methodically, starting with drafting a to-do list to give you insights on how to overcome the possible hurdles you might encounter when faced with an uncertain future. Handle one thing at a time so that it all feels more manageable.
3. Seek support from friends and family
Find close friends and family you can lean on, people who will support you through this period. You can arrange a get-together, pop by the local club for drinks, and unwind. They will help you feel less lonely and keep you from retreating and isolating yourself from the world.
Also, it is best not to think of asking for help as a sign of weakness. When you put yourself out there, you will find that those closest to you are eager to offer a shoulder to lean on and a sympathetic ear. Moreover, they could provide practical advice on how to bounce back after the divorce.
4. Stop fueling the negative emotions
Stress and anger are powerful emotions that can make you feel wronged. They can make it hard for you to let go of the past, intensifying the anger and stress. That is why experts recommend searching for healthy ways of coping with such raw emotions without allowing them to fester.
In all the measures you take, avoid following your ex or finding out what they do on social media. It is best not to find out how they are doing in life or why they seem unaffected and breaking down after the divorce. Such issues will fuel your resentment, anger, and sorrow.
The past stays in the past because you can change nothing about what happened. Instead, focus on your future because it is something that you can shape. Similarly, feelings of regret are bound to increase if you continually search your ex to know what they are doing and wishing you were still together.
Avoid focusing on what went wrong or led to you guys parting ways. It can be a trap that perpetuates negativity and snuffs out the chance to work on acceptance, heal and move on with life.
5. Seek professional help
If you allow yourself some time to heal but find that you struggle to accept who things are, it would be best to seek professional help. Go for counseling to get guidance during your divorce and learn how to cope, and allow yourself to heal.
The counseling therapist can work with your GP to offer you coping mechanisms and additional skills to help you overcome depression, stress, and anxiety.
6. It is possible to be friends
It is a question worth asking yourself to determine if it is worth the effort. Going through the divorce does not have to be a muddy process with rife anger and resentment. People can still be on good terms after ending their relationship.
Therefore, you can remain friends with your ex since it is someone that you have spent the last few years with and share lots of memories. As such, there is no need to cut ties immediately after the divorce. It will make life easier, especially if you have kids.
7. Strive to find happiness again
It can be hard to imagine life without your partner after having been together for many years, and you were not the one that called for the divorce. However, parting ways can also be an opportunity to grow and rediscover yourself. It is an opportunity to work on your decision-making skills, which can be a liberating and affirming experience since you do not need to defer to or compromise with another person’s opinions.
It is best to focus on your happiness. Take up roles that allow you to grow, even if it means giving up on certain things to make room for new ones. It can be an opportunity to jump back on the saddle, doing things you used to but stopped because you want to accommodate your partner’s wishes.
In short, divorce opens up new opportunities. Take the time to see the positive side of things. Focus on what makes you happy as you plan for your future. Visit family and friends, engage in activities you enjoy, discover new interests, and establish new relationships. Get out there and live life.
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